Online dating scams: How to recognize, avoid, and report them

The case of Simon Leviev (known as the Tinder Swindler) is one of the most elaborate and famous romance scams. It gained widespread attention after the release of a Netflix documentary. Leviev used the Tinder dating app to find his victims. He operated in a straightforward manner — after making first contact, he would begin dating his victim, displaying fake affection and, of course, flaunting his supposed wealth. After some time, the swindler would invent stories about failed deals and enemies hunting him to justify his urgent need for cash. Leviev employed Ponzi scheme tactics — he used money he received from new victims to pay off debts to previous victims and fund his own lifestyle. The Tinder Swindler changed his online identity several times and had an extensive social media presence showcasing his success and lavish lifestyle. Leviev usually started his fraudulent activity after he had spent some time in a relationship and gained his victims’ trust. Following the release of the Netflix documentary, he was banned from several major online dating apps, including Tinder (Netflix, 2022).

Another case involved a woman who planned to buy a house with her online partner, whom she had never met in person. The fake boyfriend persuaded her to transfer money to him for the property they would supposedly share. He gained her trust by talking with her online and fabricating a story about his life. In the end, she was left with a debt of £300,000 (BBC, 2021).

In 2021, The Guardian reported the case of Ryan Chen (the victim’s name was changed to protect his privacy), a user of the Chinese dating app Tantan. Chen matched with a seemingly attractive British woman and shared his WeChat and Facebook details with her. The woman suggested they exchange “nudes.” After receiving hers, Chen sent his own. Shortly after, she threatened to send his explicit video to all his Facebook friends unless he paid her $4,000. Chen contacted the police and informed a relative about his situation. The situation was resolved when he called the cybercriminal’s bluff, telling her to go ahead with her threat. As a result, she stopped threatening him. This case is an example of sextortion, a common online dating scam that, along with other Facebook scams, is quite prevalent on the platform (The Guardian, 2021).

Note: Keep in mind that the “women” behind romance scams are often men hiding behind fake profiles. Scammers are experts at playing the part, so always trust your instincts and question anything that feels off.

In 2021, the BBC reported one of the biggest online dating scams that involved eight Nigerian men who defrauded more than 100 victims of almost $7 million. These romance scammers used false identities on online dating sites and targeted widows and divorcees worldwide. After gaining the victims’ trust and establishing an emotional bond, they started telling them sob stories about needing money to pay off debts, taxes, or transportation costs. Once they received the requested cash, they disappeared, leaving the victims with empty bank accounts (BBC, 2021).

Pig butchering — a scam named after the practice of fattening hogs before slaughter — often begins with an innocent-looking “Oops, wrong number!” text. Those who reply are drawn into what seems like a promising crypto investment. But it’s all a ruse. Once victims send enough money, the scammers vanish. One of the most recent real-life cases of a pig butchering scam involved Barry May, who lost more than $500,000 in a cryptocurrency scam. May was targeted on Facebook by a woman who claimed to be living in New York. Over time, they built a romantic relationship. The woman told May they could be together, but she needed a favor first. She explained that her aunt was holding $3 million of her money. She convinced May to invest in cryptocurrency so her aunt would release the funds, and they could finally be together and get married (NBC News, 2024). While these scams are primarily seen as crypto scams, they also qualify as romance scams because scammers exploit romantic relationships to financially “fatten” their victims before stealing everything. Pig butchering is one of the most popular scams on Telegram, WhatsApp, and Facebook.

Note: Pig butchering scams often target the LGBTQ+ community because they may experience higher levels of social isolation, making them more vulnerable to online manipulation and exploitation. This increased vulnerability makes LGBTQ+ safety and privacy online more important than ever.

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Some people choose to keep their lives private and stay away from social media altogether. However, it can be suspicious if your new romantic interest has no digital footprint at all. For most people, you’ll find some trace of them if you search for their name, email, or username — such as work or university profiles, mentions in high school or local newspaper articles, or petitions they’ve signed. But if you find no information at all, or what you discover doesn’t add up, it’s important to ask them about it and see how they react.

You love jazz, they love jazz. You like dogs, they can’t wait to get one once they move to a bigger house. You enjoy seafood? Of course they make a killer shrimp gumbo. If they are overly enthusiastic every time you talk about something you enjoy, chances are, they are pretending to seem more relatable than they really are.

All of their photos look retouched, they are always posing, and they look perfect in every picture. Some people do put a lot of effort into their online image, but that’s usually part of their job. If your new connection has a regular day job, posing for hours and searching for perfect lighting every single day seems unrealistic. When in contact with someone online, use Google’s reverse image search function to check that their photos are authentic. Scammers often steal photos from stock image sites and social media profiles to make their fake personas more convincing. In the age of prolific Instagram models, getting hundreds of pictures of someone is easy. If you ever feel suspicious, ask them to video chat. Just make sure to use well-known, trustworthy software to do it.

A lot of people need to constantly travel for their job. But online scammers will always say they live far away or are on the move to avoid meeting you in real life. It’s also easier to explain different time zones or sudden disappearances. It buys them time to build a stronger relationship with their victim without ever meeting them.

When you spend weeks or even months getting to know someone, you start to develop strong feelings and you expect them to feel the same way. This emotional attachment can make it difficult to step back and see the bigger picture. However, if someone you’ve only met online and never in person asks you for money, it’s a huge red flag. They are almost certainly a scammer, using a method known as a confidence trick, which involves building trust with the victim to defraud them. They will tell you sad, heartbreaking, or terrible stories. They might claim that they have no friends or family to help them or that they need immediate help due to an emergency. Don’t give in — question everything in their stories and stay skeptical. Also, be wary if they ask for gifts. It’s common for scammers to disappear right after they get what they want.

They might claim their camera is broken, they’re too busy, they’re in a location with poor internet, or they can’t video chat for “security reasons.” A pattern of avoiding face-to-face interaction is a sign that something isn’t right. If your online connection constantly dodges video calls, it’s likely because they’re hiding something — possibly their true identity. Don’t ignore this red flag — it’s often a sign that the person you’re talking to may not be who they say they are. Falling victim to an online dating scam can be a painful and isolating experience, but you’re not alone — and it’s crucial to speak up. Many people don’t report romance scams because they feel embarrassed or ashamed, but reporting is a powerful step in protecting yourself and others. Every report counts. By sharing your experience, you help authorities track down scammers and prevent them from targeting more people. Here’s how to report online dating scams: In the US: Report online dating scams to the Federal Trade Commission (FTC) or the FBI’s Internet Crime Complaint Center (IC3). In the UK: Report online dating scams to Action Fraud. In Australia: The Australian Competition and Consumer Commission (ACCC) handles these reports. In Europe: Refer to EUROPOL to find the reporting website for your country. Internationally: If you’re outside these regions or unsure where to report, you can file a report with econsumer.gov. Don’t forget to report the scam to the dating site or app where it happened. By doing this, you help the platform take action to protect other users from falling victim. Here are some tips on how to avoid online dating scams and stay safe from scammers: Scrutinize the website before signing up. Do your research, read reviews, and take a critical look at the website before you put yourself out there. If it bombards you with “Hot singles in your area!” ads before you even sign up, chances are you won’t find what you’re looking for. Find a legitimate website you can trust to keep your sensitive data safe. If you’re not using the app, deactivate or delete your account. If you’re thinking about leaving the dating scene, take a break from unnecessary online dating accounts. If you want to delete your Tinder account, we have a guide just for that. Don’t give people personal information. You might share your social media accounts when you feel that your relationship is getting serious. But don’t give away personal details like your address or telephone number. Pay attention if they start asking things that sound like security questions: your pet’s name, the street you grew up on, or your childhood nickname. Arrange your first meetings in public places with people around to stay safe. If someone insists on meeting in a remote location on the first date, consider it a red flag. Be skeptical but respectful. You don’t want to ruin the relationship by questioning their every word, but you need to stay safe. If they feel offended, explain why you’re being careful. A reasonable person will understand, while a scammer will likely be outraged and greatly offended. Ask someone you trust for a second opinion. Before you get too invested in an online relationship, ask someone you trust for a second opinion. A fresh set of eyes can sometimes spot red flags you might have missed. It’s easy to get caught up in the excitement of a new connection, but a trusted friend or family member can offer a more objective perspective. Even if you were the one who made the first contact, stay alert. Just because you initiated the conversation doesn’t mean you’re immune to scams. Scammers can be incredibly convincing, and it’s easy to let your guard down when you feel in control. Use security tools. This goes for anyone who uses the internet. Having reliable antimalware software on your devices will keep you safer, while a VPN will add an extra layer of protection to your online life. NordVPN’s Threat Protection Pro feature can also help you identify malware-ridden files, stop you from landing on malicious websites, and block trackers and intrusive ads on the spot.